Jie-mei

What's new right? It just seems to be a recurring theme that constantly arises to remind me of my place in life. Let me cite the examples that have occurred in this week alone.

Zouk Winebar

Me: Wait, what did you say?

Jamie: You are non-threatening. You have always been this way since Junior College, that's why I am okay with hanging out with you even though you are drunk.

Me: Hey, I can get slimy if I wanted to.

Jiamei: Nope you can’t. You are nonthreatening.

Jamie: *Nods vigorously in agreement*

FML

 

Brava Pasta

Fiona: You are just a bit gu-niang.

Me: What?!

Fiona: I mean like a little bit metro.

Me: How?

Fiona: You know? The clothes you wear and the things you say like, Dejavu! Guys don't say these things like this.

Me: wtf?

Fiona: You are just kinda Jie-mei.

FML

 

White Rabbit

Christina: Come! let's take a picture all of us, the banana gang!

Of which I am roped in together with Lynn, kk, Christina and Sheryl.

Me: Wait what? Since when am I in the banana gang? (note: I have not seen Christina in 4 years)

Chirstina: You are one of the girls! A Jie-mei.

FML

 

This just has to be some sick joke that is being played on me. After the devastation of last week, I get all these coincidental unwarranted outbursts. I truly believe I just might be a lost cause.

 

I got psychoanalysed by Fiona on my fallin' in love pattern which does not work out with girls. For instance, I am only attracted to a girl after hanging out with her for a little while, that being 6-8 weeks. However by that time, I have been permanently categorised under the friendship ladder which according to her is near impossible to escape from.

 

Guys are suppose to make a move on a girl and begin the wooing process in a short period of time after meeting her, it is also contingent that the guy must not know the girl very well. However, that simply does not work for me because I am only attracted to a girl after talking to her for some time and to do that, normally it would require us to be friends.

 

So basically, I am shooting myself in the foot. I never thought about it this way but when I look back, I think it is true. Pondering on the remedies, I was offered some suggestions by her which might work to alleviate these situations I get myself in.

 

Unfortunately on that night, she saw some of my friends and upon observing my interactions with them, concluded that I was a lost cause. Her only advice? "I guess you just have to give the serious talk." Which everyone knows is always doomed to failure.  Fmylife.

 

i'm federer!

Played a spot of tennis yesterday and it was a good feeling. Nothing beats depression like taking it out on a little green ball. I am actually terrible in the courts, in fact I would say I hardly a player.My first tennis session occurred in secondary school. I was invited to play tennis with YF and Tim at Tiffany's courts. Tiffany wasn't there but I heard she was looking out at us from her balcony. It must have been embarrassing when I started to change in the court assuming that no one was around. Maybe she was impressed by what she saw but that's truly a long shot.

Anyway in my first tennis session, YF bought down some "God" balls. They are aptly named because it was black in colour and every ball had an inscription of a verse on them. Being my first session, every other ball flew way over the net, occasionally the ball would fly up into heaven as it vanishes into the distance. I'd like to think they went back to heaven but I think it just ended up in someone's backyard.

Undoubtedly, YF was pissed, we came with a bucket of balls and when we left, its was either half empty or half full, depending on your point of view. Apparently or so he says, the God balls were expensive. From then on, I was never again called down to play tennis and that ended my career.

Fast-forward to yesterday, my backhands were awesome. I was Roger Ferderer. Alright fine, not as good as Ferderer and my backhands only land on the other side of the courts occasionally. Still, I believe it’s a great improvement from those days.

The feeling of hitting a backhand on the sweet spot is extremely satisfying, visualising as I lean back into my office chair, I can feel it, savour it, its almost like true love. You know the dryness in the mouth, the beating of your heart, the awkwardness. Okay fine that sounds a little bit like being in a coma while watching TV but you get the drift.

Perhaps I am not improving at all; maybe it’s just my perception from my own side of the court. I get all these fancy shots in but I don’t win the game. I’d like to destroy my opponents but you know what they say don’t hate the player, hate the game. I guess when you see Nadal lift the trophy, you can only wonder how did it go all wrong.

Thanks Terry, all those Sunday sessions paid off (only 2 actually). Wimbledon watch out! There ‘s a new kid in town and his backhand means business.

Left 4 Dead

I find it ironic that over the past few years we have been criticising Americans for running a hugely unsustainable fiscal deficit and overspending beyond their means. When I was in the United States over a year ago, that mindset seemed to be in fashion. Economist were up in arms trying to defend themselves while governments and papers around the world were printing stories of their extravagents and why we shouldn't support it any further.

Look at the world today. Even since they stopped spending and started saving, we have sort of been in a runt. Admittedly, most governments realise that the only way out of this recession is if we can get Americans happy and optimistic enough to start buying stuff again. The global economy is a very strange system. People are only productive and wealthly if someone is consuming these goods which allows production to occur and no one spends better than the Americans.

On hindsight of this recession, it becomes painfully obvious that even though the US government funds their economy by printing money, it is much better than the situation that we are in now. At least everyone had a job and people were feeling better about themselves.

Maybe someone else should be spending this money. The Chinese? The Indians? The Japanese? The Singaporeans? That's a thought isn't it? However, that idea simply is not going to happen. Us Asians are much happier keeping our money under our bed and watching the stack grow.

This Asian methodology clearly requires some tweaking. Look at the Japan, they have been in a recession for the past 10 years even though they possess the highest savings rate in the world. I mean I just read in the newspaper that the Japanese reuse their bath water! The largest Japanese companies like Honda and Toyota had to go to guess where? That's right, the United States and they are now one of the largest companies in the world.

Perhaps these Americans have got something right after all. They have a cake and they are eating it too. Maybe we can learn a thing or two about these "ignorant" Americans because the joke is on us.

It will be a new wave thinking, make money by spending your money. We can back this up by suggesting welfare all around Asia, that way there will be some form of security to make up for these excessive spending. But honestly, we probably wouldn't need to use it because we will all be richer from all this spending! Hooray ipods for all!

i've got soul but i am not a soldier

I have to admit, I think I am leaping from one pit to another. It is a terrible place to be in and it just keeps getting worse. I used to have nightmares. I dreamt that all my teeth have fallen out and it was extremely terrifying. It got to the point where I was afraid to go to bed.

Its coming back. I couldn't sleep again last night. I could feel my heartbeat in my head. Sean told me that you get that when you are feeling very stressed. The beats are constantly there, to the point where it is pounding in my head and I feel there has to be something wrong.

I don't really like it. I realise a way to get rid of nightmares is to listen to the radio before I sleep. Somehow the music tends to distract your brain so you don't dream. So some nights I try that but it is always tuned to 95fm which I guess is the lesser of two evils.

These mood fluctuations are killin' me. Just an hour ago I was feeling pretty happy. Now its killin' me. I wanna stand up. I wanna let go. You know you know no you dont you dont.

Bones

I must be shameless. That is the only explaination. When I see some passed out fool, I always shake my head in disgust and think what a loser. But time and time again, I turn out to be the fool. Is it any wonder?

alcatraz

So I am trapped by my cubicle walls. As the height of the walls almost reach the top of my head, I have no idea whether my colleagues are sitting at their desk. This poses a problem in the morning when I would want to say hello and in the afternoon when I need to go for lunch. It will even be a problem as I would never know if its safe to use facebook.

I thought it through and it dawned upon me that the problem can be solved with a mirror. If I angle it over the cubicle walls, I will be able to see if anyone is at their desk. It would be perfect. I would no longer have to do the 'tip-toe and realise I am not tall enough followed by standing on the legs of my chair and when that doesn't work, finally climbing awkwardly onto the top of my table and being embarress when there is someone there' routine.

However, I did not have a mirror, the stapler wasn't reflective enough and the scissors looked a little too dangerous. Just when I was about to resign myself to another flawed plan, Eureka hit! But of course, its so simple, elementary my dear watson, I could just use my camera.

Its brilliant! Now I switch on my camera mode and use it to peek over these prison walls. If you do see a small black object over the top of your desk. Do not be alarmed. Its just me. I do hope I dont get in trouble for harressment.

The Return

Alas it has come to this. Perfectly hidden in my little cubbyhole as I munch on my coldstorage-sushi, which unfortunately has a tad too much wasabi causing uncontrollable fits that has to be kept silent. Through my immense suffering, my mind turned once again to this blog; my only solace to fully explain my predicament and perhaps even snag me some sympathy points from female readers, dare I say.

That's right! Its day 5 of working for my country and the situation is getting dire. I had rightfully assumed that I was off to a good start. After all, I began on the 3rd of February 2009, which coincidently is the 9th day of the Lunar New Year, which to my ang moh friends among you readers is a super duper auspicious day. My boss was hospitalised ensuring that I will have work and will be able to seize the chance to read up on this industry and appear knowledgeable when he returned.

Furthermore, my desk is located on a different floor from the rest of the department ensuring peace and quiet; in terms of work assigned meaning I get nothing. Ah, how was I to know that these factors would all serve to my downfall. I relish the day when I will look back at this and laugh. (Personally, I hope that day is next week. *Fingers crossed*)


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WallWallWall_ --------------_ WallWallWall
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- : Cubicles
X : Me

As you can see, my desk is in an ideal location. Nobody walks by it and I have a window location. This however also means that nobody knows when I am there. Sitting around me are 3 supposed colleagues in my department. Supposed because none of them are ever there! One moved upstairs, another is on MC (my boss) and finally the last person is never around. I suspect he could be avoiding me after all I wasn’t invited to lunch! Thus, my relating of the sad predicament above.

I am soooooooo saaaaaad. Why wouldn't people have lunch with me.

My only daily interaction is with the cleaning lady when she comes to clear my wastepaper basket twice a day. Oh the follies of man, I shouldn't have planned for this so perfectly. Too perfectly...