Identity crisis

I often get this incredible urge to have a complete overhaul of my identity. I mean sometimes I zone off and stare into space as I imagine a life that is completely different. I just need to buy a couple of suits, vests and fitting shirts and I am on my way to the slick player image. Alternatively. I could also go the other way and transform into a chigger, what's with the track suits, big ass chains and adidas shoes.

That has got to be the attraction of the internet, the ease of changing into anything you want to be. However when you think about it that is just not fun at all. The interaction you get is minimised and you can't get totally engrossed into the act. I would love to experiment with the different images that pop into my head. One day, I could be an aristocrat from london with a posh British accent, on other day I would dress and act as a tennis player, goth for another and skater the next.

Then again, all this identity changing is pretty tiring and it probably wouldn't be either conviencing nor fulfilling. Personally, I can see myself creating a persona that will exist alongside my current self. An articulate fellow with a sharp stylish fashion sense with a classy taste in jazz music. Oh my what a sophisticated person he is.

I think this way due to certain events which I feel are not be beneficial to my well-being. For instance, have you ever wondered what people thought of you or what kind of person you are viewed as. I have a pretty good idea of what kind of person I am viewed as. You know, the nice and funny guy who is slightly effeminate and weird. Cuts a lean figure leaning towards 90 pounds, "non-threatening" and doesn't really care about his image.

When looked at it in an objective way, that is seriously not cool. The image I present is strikingly similar to characters protrayed on tv, think Eric Forman, Geoge Costanza, Ben Stiller, Malcolm, every character acted by Adam Sandler and yes Milhouse. Pretty dismal. I dream of a list with notables like Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tom Cruize, Takashi Kanishiro, Rain, Jay Chou and the likes. So far I have not been compared to them. I would now perpetuate my image with this. =(

An incident happened at Zouk involved taking self-esteem and stomping on it. I am actually not too bothered by it but it makes a great story. I was hanging at Zouk the other night with a girl. It was just the two of us and so according to normal protocol, guys will not hit on a girl who is alone with another guy. Regardless of whether they are attached or not, that's just basic respect.

During that night, I must have been radiating "come hit on my friend" vibes, I mean seriously it did not make any sense, I was dressed normally with a cap and shirt and yet I was given no respect. I honestly thought I must have been wearing something that signified that I was queer but looking back, it was pretty damn normal dressing.

My only drawn conclusion? I naturally emit a push-over aura, now that is disgusting. At the bar, on the dancefloor there was just no relent towards this onslaught of disrespect. There was one particularly pesky guy and the irony of the situation was that he was tall and buff. I clearly saw the link between the high school jock and libarian.

The night ended alright and I was not stranded or anything, but it really did get me thinking about this whole image stuff. So its often a 50-50 of doing it for fun and for the need when thoughts of metamorphism arises.

Sigh. Now you see all these random thoughts that cross my mind, LEEEEMUEL where were you to scare those freaks when you were needed most?