I have a problem. Unknownst to me, through deduction and conspiracy, there is a sudden realisation that I snore like a bear in the forest. It could be the cotton mouth when I awaken from slumber or the shushed whispers that go on behind my back. Whatever it is, I believe it is there, lurking in the shadows, in the dark recesses. It creeps up on me with its wicked fangs in the middle of the night and delivers a thundering roar.
When I think back, it must have started in those scouting days when tents were still cool. I remember the morning after, as Zu Boon rubbed his sleepy eyes remarking that I made a lot of noise. I dismissed it casually, how could it be if I managed to sleep so soundly? Being perfectly refreshed, I naturally assumed it had to be his imagination running wild.
This monster persisted in stalking my every move rearing itself when I went into the army. While sleeping in my shell-scrape (a hole you dig in the ground to dodge enemy fire), I was awoken violently by my platoon mates. They were laughing as if possessed. At that moment, I felt sure that the lack the food and excessive exercise had driven them past the brink of insanity. Nonetheless, even if everyone went mad, I felt sleep was still important, Thereby I flipping over and promptly falling deeply into sleep dreaming of pretty girls slipping colas and throw Mcnuggets at me as I danced around in a field of mealows. The following day, I queried them about this mutinous insubordination, for people must realise I am not to be woken in any circumstances. They related this story to me.
In the middle of the night, they heard a noise, faint at first but increasing in its ferocity. More and more of them woke up at the sound of the snots. In this forest, it could only mean one thing, there had to be an approaching boar and judging by the noise, an angry one to boot. They banded together and went in search for this beast to chase it away from the campsite.
When I think back, it must have started in those scouting days when tents were still cool. I remember the morning after, as Zu Boon rubbed his sleepy eyes remarking that I made a lot of noise. I dismissed it casually, how could it be if I managed to sleep so soundly? Being perfectly refreshed, I naturally assumed it had to be his imagination running wild.
This monster persisted in stalking my every move rearing itself when I went into the army. While sleeping in my shell-scrape (a hole you dig in the ground to dodge enemy fire), I was awoken violently by my platoon mates. They were laughing as if possessed. At that moment, I felt sure that the lack the food and excessive exercise had driven them past the brink of insanity. Nonetheless, even if everyone went mad, I felt sleep was still important, Thereby I flipping over and promptly falling deeply into sleep dreaming of pretty girls slipping colas and throw Mcnuggets at me as I danced around in a field of mealows. The following day, I queried them about this mutinous insubordination, for people must realise I am not to be woken in any circumstances. They related this story to me.
In the middle of the night, they heard a noise, faint at first but increasing in its ferocity. More and more of them woke up at the sound of the snots. In this forest, it could only mean one thing, there had to be an approaching boar and judging by the noise, an angry one to boot. They banded together and went in search for this beast to chase it away from the campsite.
"It must be attracted to the smell of food" said one.
"Maybe we entered into its terroritory" said another. Louder and louder the noise grew as they crept closer to the source. As their eyes became accustomed to the dark, LO BEHOLD! There was no beast! Only a man. That man was me.
Over the years, my problem exacerbated. My brother's constant screams at 2am, the cries of my friends when I stayed over and more recently, the embarressment when I slept in Peter's brother living room whom I had just met that night.
Over the years, my problem exacerbated. My brother's constant screams at 2am, the cries of my friends when I stayed over and more recently, the embarressment when I slept in Peter's brother living room whom I had just met that night.
Oh man, I had actually woken up 5 minutes before everybody in the living room (there were about 10 people who had also stayed over) because I needed to get a glass of water. Following which, I proceeded to get back into the couch and assumed fetal position due to the chilly temperature.
Immediately after, some of them woke up and had a 2 minute dissertation of how loud my snores were. Oh boy , the SHAME!
Perhaps I will eventually require a machine in order to fall asleep. The doctors might certify that I am sleep abnormal. I liken myself to Darth Vader needing a body of armour and a mask to breath. That sounds quite cool doesn't it? If all goes well, maybe I will have a Brad Pitt mask or better yet the flavour of the moment, Rain. Ah well, I ought to see a sleep specialist asap least all future girls read this and head for the hills.
Perhaps I will eventually require a machine in order to fall asleep. The doctors might certify that I am sleep abnormal. I liken myself to Darth Vader needing a body of armour and a mask to breath. That sounds quite cool doesn't it? If all goes well, maybe I will have a Brad Pitt mask or better yet the flavour of the moment, Rain. Ah well, I ought to see a sleep specialist asap least all future girls read this and head for the hills.
2 comments:
"freak" says zhirong.
blogs are cool, FOOL!
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