impeding doom

I feel this is my only outlet. It allows me to let it all out and keep myself together. Where I can express all my thoughts and maybe just feel a little bit better. I tend to talk in codes because I don't think I want anyone to truly know. Perhaps I am afraid. I think I am afraid. Maybe inside, I am just hoping for someone to understand. Its self-pity. I know its disgusting. But I just can't help myself. I feel like I am spiralling downwards.